Suffer in Silence
by Epicme123
Summary: Bella Swan moves to Forks to escape her life in Phoenix. She is depressed but is sick of the pity in peoples eyes when they looked at her. She has chosen to Suffer in Silence and puts on a brave face in the public eye. What happens when she crosses paths with a certain empath who cannot only feel her pain but wants to take it away? OOC AU DARK THEMES Em/R E/A J/B more info inside.
1. Forks

**A/N: Here is the first chapter of Suffer in Silence! The more reviews I get the faster I will post the next chapter.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS DARK THEMES SUCH AS CUTTING, DEPRESSION AND ABUSE. IT ALSO CONTAINS LANGUAGE AND LEMONS. RATED M FOR A REASON.**

**Em/R E/A J/B C/Es OOC AU Vampires/Humans**

**BPOV Summery: Bella Swan moves to Forks to escape her life in Phoenix. She is depressed but is sick of the pity in peoples eyes when they looked at her. She has chosen to Suffer in Silence and puts on a brave face in the public eye. What happens when she crosses paths with a certain empath who cannot only feel her pain but wants to take it away?**

**JPOV Summery: When Alice met Jasper she told him they were destined to be brother and sister in a coven of vampires where she would find her mate and his would one day come to them. They found the Cullen's together and Alice and Edward became mates. Jasper was content in his way of life with his best friend Alice and family. Now he is awaiting the arrival of his mate in his life. while living with his vampire family in Forks, Washington.**

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Chapter One: Forks

BPOV

I rub my arms absent-mindedly through the thin fabric as I feel the plane begin to descend. I wince when I press too hard over one of my scars but quickly collect myself.

We sit in the terminal for ten minutes before we are cleared to exit. I soon make my way towards the baggage area to collect my dark purple duffel bag and set out to find Charlie, my Dad. He's chief of police here in Forks and I haven't seen him in years. My parents split up when I was a baby and I used to visit Forks during summer. I never liked spending summer in the small, rainy town instead of in bright, sunny Phoenix, so I stopped coming when I was fourteen. That was four years ago. So much has changed. For example my Mom, Renee getting remarried two years ago.

I spot Charlie in his police uniform and make my way toward him. I fake a huge grin and walk faster to meet him. People should be happy when they are reunited right?

His face matches mine when he see's me and he opens his arms as I run and hug him. I love Charlie, I really do, but nothing makes me happy anymore. I'm broken beyond repair, but no one needs to know that, so I prefer to suffer in silence.

"Hey Kiddo," Charlie says, "You're so grown up." It's true. When he saw me last, I was in the awkward phase of my teenage life with my braces, clumsiness and flat chest. Now I've grown up with better balance, my teeth are straight and my body has grown nice curves.

"Hey Ch-Dad" I correct myself mid-sentence, I'm not supposed to call him Charlie to his face.

We make our way to his cruiser while catching up on how we've been. He tells me about various fishing experiences and I lie, saying that I've been doing great. The car ride home is spent with a lot of fake, cheery smiles coming from me but luckily he doesn't pick up on anything. That's one thing I love about Charlie, he's unobservant. When he asks about Renee's new husband Phil, I lie through my teeth about how great he is. Charlie just nods, I don't think he's over her yet.

As we near Forks, I can see a dark cloud above the town. It feels like a sign, like there is some force above, telling me that I can't escape the constant gloom that is my life. I wish it was as easy as just sending me away like my Mom did.

We pull up to the white house that will be my home and I give Charlie another smile. He returns it as I step outside the cruiser. I spot my black and blue Yamaha yzf r125 motorcycle is in the driveway and break out into a small, yet genuine smile, the first one in weeks. I brighten it as I turn to Charlie. He grunts disapprovingly as he tells me that it arrived yesterday. I had it shipped here because it's one of the few things that are important to me. I even bought a special riding jacket so that I could ride around in the rain without getting my shirt soaked through completely.

I had bought the bike with money that I had earned from my job in Phoenix. It was hard, but I finally managed to save up enough to buy it as a gift to myself on my sixteenth birthday. I couldn't just let it go, so I had to bring it with me.

Charlie hates motorcycles with a passion. I guess that he has just seen one too many accidents as a cop. He still doesn't approve of my riding it but I don't exactly need his approval. I bought it and it's mine, I worked hard and I am eighteen years old, so he has no right to control what I do or not. We agreed to disagree in the argument over the phone and it isn't an issue, though I can tell when he looks at it that he wants nothing more than to dismantle it and set it on fire.

I follow him inside and look around, finding that not much has changed since I was last here. The living room is to my left, the dining room and kitchen to my right. I walk straight up the stairs with my duffel on my hip. I had managed to fit all of my possessions into the one bag, bar my bike. I just have some basic clothing and a few pairs of shoes. My only other possessions are my laptop, phone, a beat up copy of Wuthering Heights, and a silver necklace with a locket. Inside has a picture of my family when we were whole. Before my parents split up and Renee married that bastard. It's in the shape of a heart that is inscribed 'We will always love you'. It's something to hold onto in my darkest hours. Even if my Mother hasn't shown me love since he came along.

I take the steps two at a time and find my room. It has a full-sized mattress, a desk and a window facing the front yard. There are purple sheets folded on the base of the bed with matching curtains on the large window. I don't deserve this I think before I can stop myself. I shake my head to clear it. I shouldn't think like this, I moved to Forks to escape my depression. Well that and him. Phil.

I quickly start unpacking before the memories come back, now isn't the time to come undone. I slide open a mirror door that leads to a build in closet on the south wall of my room. There is a set of oak drawers inside and a rack next to it to hang things up. The drawers are empty so stuff my bottoms in one, tops in another and other things in my top drawer. I put my few pairs of shoes on the floor of the closet and hang up my hoodies and leather riding jacket on the rack.

I have a bedside table next to my bed so I stuff my laptop and phone into the top drawer. I make up the bed and lie down on top of the sheets.

I sigh and close my eyes.

"All moved in?" I jump, startled as my eyes shoot open. Charlie is leaning on the door frame smiling sheepishly. If only he knew where my skittishness comes from. I nod dumbly as he moves into the room.

I instinctively creep away from him as he sits on the bed without losing eye contact.

"So you start school tomorrow," he starts and I inwardly groan. I don't have great experience with schools. I was always that creepy emo chick, that's partially why I moved here. To suffer in silence. To put on a smile and shove down my emotions. I never dressed in black and died my hair at my old school but it was obvious how I felt. Here though I don't want pity and curious eyes watching me. Outside I am a perfectly normal teenager with a perfectly normal life, where inside I am nothing but a pit of emptiness and despair.

Some people said that I was being melodramatic at my old school when they saw me but they don't know what I've been through. They haven't seen what I've seen and lived through what I've had to do.

I realized that I had to change my demeanor when I move here so that is what I've done, Charlie doesn't suspect anything to be wrong with me and thinks the only reason I came here is because Phil got a new job traveling and Renee wants to go with him. I guess that's partially true. That's what I was used as my reasoning to come to Forks. It was a gift from the god's that Phil got a new job and I was finally able to escape 'hell on earth' as he wouldn't allow me to leave after I turned eighteen and with not much money to my name I couldn't just run away.

"Do you remember how to get there?" Charlie continues, pulling me from my thoughts. I think for a second, I haven't been in Forks for four years but it is a pretty small town.

"I think so…" I say.

He rattles off directions and I do my best to pay attention as he tells me that it is about a ten minute drive across town. He gives me a small alarm clock for my bedside table and I set it to wake me up at 7:00am.

"Thanks Dad" I say sincerely, touched that he would be so considerate.

"Well, uh, no problem" he says awkwardly and I bite my lip to keep from laughing at him. Charlie has never been very good with feelings. Another plus to living here, he won't pick up on my depression and if he does he will do his best to ignore it. It's not bad parenting, just his way of dealing with things. Just then there is a knock on the door. "I ordered a pizza." He informs me when I raise my eyebrow at him.

"I could have made dinner" I frown.

"You just got here Bells" he shakes his head.

"I don't mind" From what Renee used to say, Charlie can't cook, so I have a feeling that I will be doing a lot of cooking while I'm here.

We walk downstairs together to accept the pizza. He ordered a large and we eat together in comfortable silence. I'm only able to eat two slices while he devours the rest.

Soon I find myself in my room about to get ready for bed. We have to share a bathroom in here so I decide to keep my toiletries in the travel bag so that I can bring them in and out.

I remove my contacts before I take a hot shower being very careful not wash too hard over the scars on my wrists and the bruises on my body. I wash my hair with my strawberry shampoo and conditioner set, and clean all over with my freesia scented body wash. I scrub my face with a cloth and as I stand under the hot spray I finally let myself breakdown. I like to cry in the shower so nobody can hear my sobs.

I hate this. I hate my weakness, I hate myself, I hate my life. I don't deserve the treatment I have been given today. Phil is right, I'm worthless and stupid and ugly and I don't deserve peace. I dig my thumb into one of my bruises and bite down on my other hand to keep from crying out. I don't deserve anybody's sympathy, I deserve to suffer. Everything is my fault. I shouldn't be allowing Charlie to cater to me. I should be paying my way. I should have just bought my own place, but I couldn't because I spent all of my money.

My knee's give out and I crouch down in the shower, wrapping my arms around my middle as if that will keep me in one piece. I'm falling apart, I can feel it. Shoving down my feelings can't be healthy but it would make Charlie uncomfortable to see me like this and I am sick of all of the pity I get from the people who stare. It takes all I have in me to get up. I face the water and let it run down my face as I try to calm down.

The water starts to lose its heat and sigh as I turn off the spray. I feel around blindly for my black thick-framed glasses and put them on. I stare at myself in the mirror while I pull myself together again. I look at the scarred, mangled body and bottle up my emotions again, squashing them down to the very bottom of my mind and heart.

The necklace is still in place, as I never take it off. I open the locket and stare at the picture of a two-year old me with my parents back when we were one small but happy family. There were no scars, mind or body on me back then. I was innocent with my big brown eyes and short brown hair.

I still have brown eyes and brown hair though it now reaches my waist, but so much has happened that I am not who I should be. I have turned myself into this broken creature. I have no one to blame but myself. I provoked Phil to do this to me and I suffered the consequences, over and over again. I made my own Mother disown me when I accused her husband of abuse. Though she never yelled or beat me, I made her hate me. She never said it but I know that it's true. That's why she didn't fight with me when I chose to come here for senior year.

I shake my head and brush my teeth. I wrap a towel around myself and open the bathroom door, checking both ways if Charlie has come up stairs yet. I hear the faint sound of baseball coming from the large TV downstairs and dart into my room so he doesn't see the scars on my half-naked body. Charlie is a huge sports fan, I personally don't understand the appeal but it makes him happy; sports and fishing. He's a very simple man.

I make my way over to my closet and put on some black boy shorts with a pair of blue and grey flannel pants. I put a black long sleeve t-shirt on and use my towel to dry my hair. I brush it out and flip it into a messy bun, tossing the towel by the door.

I smile brightly into the closet mirror then roll my eyes. I turn to my bed and climb into the heavy covers, placing my glasses on the side table and letting the sound of the rain soothe me as I cry myself into a restless sleep.


	2. Forks High

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who read my first chapter and those who reviewed. Same as last time, the more reviews I get the faster the next chapter will be posted.**

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS DARK THEMES SUCH AS CUTTING, DEPRESSION AND ABUSE. IT ALSO CONTAINS LANGUAGE AND LEMONS. RATED M FOR A REASON.**

**Em/R E/A J/B C/Es OOC AU Vampires/Humans**

**BPOV Summery: Bella Swan moves to Forks to escape her life in Phoenix. She is depressed but is sick of the pity in peoples eyes when they looked at her. She has chosen to Suffer in Silence and puts on a brave face in the public eye. What happens when she crosses paths with a certain empath who cannot only feel her pain but wants to take it away?**

**JPOV Summery: When Alice met Jasper she told him they were destined to be brother and sister in a coven of vampires where she would find her mate and his would one day come to them. They found the Cullen's together and Alice and Edward became mates. Jasper was content in his way of life with his best friend Alice and family. Now he is awaiting the arrival of his mate in his life. while living with his vampire family in Forks, Washington.**

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Chapter Two: Forks High

BPOV

I wake with a start to an obnoxiously loud buzzing noise. I groan as I smack my bedside table a few times and manage to hit the snooze button.

I close my eyes again, wanting to get a few more minutes of my restless sleep before I have to start school today.

I shoot up in the bed and look around the room frantically at that thought. Today I start at my new high school. Oh god.

I reach over to the bedside and put on my glasses before jumping out of bed to search for something acceptable to wear. I don't want to stand out, so I decide on a pair of black skinny jeans and a white long-sleeved shirt.

As I'm about to head into the bathroom I hear the loud buzzing again and jump ten feet in the air. I guess I forgot to turn off the snooze. I shut it off and go take a shower. I keep my hair out of the spray since I washed it last night and cover myself neck to foot with my freesia body wash. I brush my teeth and put my contacts in. I don't like people to know that I wear glasses, it shows weakness. And I have enough of those.

I apply waterproof black eyeliner and mascara thickly in an attempt to disguise the deep bags under my eyes. I brush my hair out and decide to leave it hanging in waves down my back with my bangs softly hanging over my left eye.

Charlie told me last night that he leaves for work at 5:00am every morning so I walk to my room without fear of being caught half-naked with my scars on display.

I dress quickly and put my riding jacket over the top. It's a simple black, leather motorcycle jacket that zips up the front with the collar flipped down. I put diamond studs in my ears and a small silver hoop in my right cartilage piercing. I grab a blue, oversized, hooded cardigan and shove it inside my black 'My Chemical Romance' messenger bag.

Inside the bag is also a few empty notebooks and a pencil-case. It's the stuff I was going to use in Phoenix this year but I moved before school started. I didn't arrive in Forks in time to start school at the beginning of the year so I'm starting today in the second week of the first semester.

I put on a pair of socks with my black and white converse, shove my phone in my back pocket and make my way downstairs to have breakfast. I find a note on the kitchen counter from Charlie confirming my earlier thoughts of him already being gone. He had listed the directions again and wished me good luck. I smile a little at it and put it in my bag incase I need the directions.

I have fifteen minutes before I have to leave so I check the kitchen for the food situation. Renee and Phil didn't feed me very often so I had learnt to fend for myself pretty quickly in order to survive. Renee was a great mom until _he_ came along. I only had to learn in the past two years.

I find that the fridge is almost bare so I just make some scrambled eggs with a glass of milk, making a mental note to go grocery shopping soon. Phil always made me do all of the errands for the house with my own money. That's why I didn't have enough to get own place.

By the time I'm done eating I have five minutes before I have to leave but I decide to leave anyway, leaving extra time for me to get lost.

I find my black helmet hanging on a rack next to the door where Charlie keeps his gun belt, and put it on. I make my way out to my bike and take a second just to admire it. I bought it before Phil came into my life and it's a token of a better time. I caress the seat lovingly before straddling the bike. I put my bag over my head, making sure that nothing is going to fall out, before putting my key in, and kicking the ignition, riding swiftly out of the driveway.

The only place I have ever truly felt at home is on my bike. With the rush of wind against my body, the speed I feel while driving and the free feeling it creates, I manage to forget about Phil and my depressing existence, and I can just be content as I fly down the highway.

It rains lightly on my way there but not enough to soak me. I remember Charlie's directions and find the school with seven minutes to spare.

The parking lot is full of students, all eyes turning my way as I pull into a free space.

I take my keys out and shove them into my bag before kicking the stand down and removing my helmet. I shake out my hair and hang it on the side of the handles. I hop off the bike, taking off my bag and sitting it on the seat. I swiftly switch my riding jacket for the cardigan and hang my bag on my left shoulder.

I decide to put my helmet in my locker so I grab it and make my way toward the office. People are still staring at me as I walk so I fake a smile and lift my hand in a half-hearted wave. I realize now how small this school is, with only a few hundred students. I can't believe I thought I would be able to move here unnoticed. I'm probably the most exciting thing that has happened here in a long time. I sigh at my own stupidity and mentally berate myself all the way up the steps, fighting the urge to cry. _Not now._ I think, chanting the words over and over until I step into the small building.

Sitting behind a small desk is a large, red-headed woman with glasses, typing furiously on an ancient computer. Her head shoots up as a bell above the door chimes.

She clears her throat, "How may I help you, dear?" she asks, looking at me curiously.

"I'm Isabella Swan, I'm new" I point out the obvious. I see recognition flash in her eyes and she gathers some papers on her desk.

"Of course! Welcome to Forks! Here is your schedule, a map and get this sheet of paper signed by all of your teachers and bring it back here at the end of the day," I take the papers and try to smile at her.

"Thank you."

"Have a nice day, dear."

As I walk out of the building I examine my schedule. In the top corner is my locker number and combination so I start with that.

I try not to roll my eyes as I see that people are still staring at me in the parking lot. It's like they've never seen a person before. I'm not that weird. _Yes you are_. My inner voice counters. I suddenly feel very self-conscious as I make my way to the main entrance. I continue to get stares as I walk through the halls and try to find my locker.

"Hi, you must be Isabella Swan" a voice says from behind me.

I whip around to see a baby-faced blonde boy who is smiling at me. "Just Bella" I correct automatically.

"Well 'Just Bella' I'm Mike Newton" he says in an attempt to be cute. "Would you like me to show you around?" He offers.

I don't want to be rude, but I really don't. "Uh, I'm fine." I say awkwardly.

Apparently he can't take a hint. "No really, where's your first class?"

"I'm fine seriously" I turn and walk away quickly, not checking behind me to see if he's following.

I find my locker pretty quickly, it's dark blue and goes from my ankles to about a foot above my head. Inside are two spaces; the bottom of the locker and a shelf that starts at my shoulders so I am easily able to access each space. There is a small rack attached to the bottom of the shelf with two coat hangers locked onto it. I take my riding jacket from my bag and hang it up, and shove my helmet onto the bottom floor.

I mentally note to bring some decorations for this thing. It might make me appear more normal. _And we all know that's a challenge_. Sneers my inner voice. I hang my head in my misery and bring out my schedule again. My first class is Advanced English II with Mr Mason. The bell rings right on cue and I make my way towards Building 3.

I get somewhat lost on my way there and by the time I reach the class, everyone else is already in there seats waiting for the teacher to start speaking. He's sitting in his seat shuffling papers but looks up at the sudden silence from the class as they all watch me walk inside. I shuffle towards the desk with my head down and hand my teacher my paper.

"Ah, Isabella Swan, welcome to my class" He smiles at me.

"Bella" I correct "and thank you."

He thankfully doesn't make me introduce myself and directs to a seat towards the back. He gives me a reading list and I smile when I see that I've already read most of the books. People stare at me for most of the lesson, not even bothering to be discrete, but find it difficult as I'm sitting behind most of them. They eventually pay attention to Mr Mason but the bell rings soon after.

The rest of the morning flies by reasonably quickly and by the time lunch rolls around I have become somewhat friends with a girl whose name I can't remember. She talks relentlessly, never letting me get a word in. I like that. All I have to do is smile and nod. I walk into the cafeteria with her and buy a lemonade, not feeling very hungry.

We sit at a table of her friends and I see Mike with them. I play with my bottle cap staring down at the table. I'm pulled out of my depressing thoughts as a hush falls over the cafeteria. My head shoots up to the doors just as the most gorgeous people I have ever seen enter the room. People quickly go back to what they are doing, obviously used to seeing such beautiful creatures after the initial shock wears off, I suppose. All I can do, though is stare.


End file.
